Satire: The ancient atmospheric gas, CO2, recently got fed up with anti-conservation “conservatives” who claim it doesn’t trap excessive heat due to people burning formerly buried carbon 24/7, raising levels from 280 ppm to over 420 ppm now. Rube scholars insist that the species carving up vast tracts of land and polluting oceans could never alter the skies above, except for “them chemtrails.”

It looks like CO2 finally decided to assuage their ignorance by offering to change the very laws of physics! Who knew that gas molecules were even aware of Man’s existence, much less the bloated global economy? If thermodynamics isn’t actually rigid, what other cosmic shifts can we expect? Would this be Intelligent Design at work?

If the physical laws of infrared absorption and re-emission magically change in 2026, will Trump & Co. admit that AGW was always real, since direct human blame would be lessened? Even if that supernatural event happens, there’s still the looming problem of Peak (shale) Oil, after which carbon emissions will decline automatically, but so will the global economy.

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The above contract is fittingly dated for Donald Trump’s second inauguration day, preparing us for another stubborn round of global warming denial in America’s highest office (high intelligence optional). Before taking over, Trump ignored any connection between drought-desiccated chaparral, extreme Santa Ana winds and unstoppable flames in the Los Angeles area. Extreme loss of homes in the Palisades Fire made headlines but it had common roots with other recent, record fires. The firefighting effort was partly hampered by an offline reservoir & staff shortages, but DEI should stand for Dangerous Environmental Ignorance (of climate change), not just the Left promoting unqualified people.

As an ideological context-ignorer, Trump tried to blame a “worthless fish,” the distant delta smelt, often targeted when water in arid California is discussed by “conservative” resource gluttons. The excellent Cadillac Desert covers the context of California’s water history, which human overpopulation (not a nearly extinct fish) keeps straining. Anti-regulation zealots ignore how salt water intrudes into the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta ecosystem when too much fresh water is diverted to farms, or drought further reduces pushback into S.F. Bay estuaries (salinity maps). Excessive salt ruins soils and farming, so it’s mindless to frame this as only about fish, even if you’re evil enough to encourage extinctions.

Trump’s cash-slinging ally, Elon Musk, once seen as a climate-realist, also dismisses environmental concerns. He mocked routine studies to protect marine life from his rocket/space obsession, and doesn’t care that he’s ruining night skies & astronomy with Starlink satellites. He also creates large debris fields on Earth, e.g. the 1/17/25 Starship explosion with countless parts raining down. He’s also an overpopulation-denier, dwelling on falling birthrates in modern nations while ignoring total net gains and global demand for finite resources.

It’s all part of the GOP’s cavalier/Creationist attitude toward nature, but also seen in Democrats’ tribal support for “clean energy” landscape desecration, and using “social justice” to trivialize the population component of I = PAT. Wind & solar sprawl is often physically built by rural conservatives and welcomed for landowner royalties, if they aren’t bribed. No mainstream ideology is really defending nature’s balance at this point.

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